Not Perfection, But Improvement.
Maybe its just me but I look at my life and all I can see is how much I am sucking at it. Lined up in front of me is the seemingly endless list of all of my weaknesses and faults. Everyday I wake up with the intent of being perfect. "I'm going to rock this day!" I think... "I won't make the same mistakes again..... Today I will conquer myself!" and then at the end of the day as I'm lying in bed the list of weaknesses and faults seems longer than ever. I feel like I failed the day... I made the same mistakes as usual and then some. I didn't exercise... I didn't read my scriptures.... I got angry more than once... I spent too much money on something dumb... Fail... FAil... FAil...FAAAIL! Honestly its enough to throw anyone into, as Anne of Green Gables would say, the depths of despair.It makes me wonder... Knowing what I do about God and his commandments... how is it that I can't seem to pull my self together and just do things right. I don't make the mistakes I do out of ignorance. I am painfully aware of the problem areas in my life and I KNOW better.. yet I do the wrong thing anyway. I eat the extra piece of cake anyway... I watch the inappropriate movie anyway... I laugh at the crude joke anyway... get angry anyway.... About a month ago the guilt over being imperfect was eating me alive. I felt like I was living life to be guilty.. not enjoying any of it. I was missing out on the beauty because I was so caught up in the darkness. My life was a "perfect graveyard of buried hopes." (another Anne of Green Gables quote) and then I saw a video posted to facebook. A Mormon Message given by Elder Russel M. Nelson.
"Be Patient with yourself. Perfection comes not in this life, but in the next. Don't demand things that are unreasonable.... But demand of yourself improvement. As you let the Lord help you through that... he will make the difference."
-Russel M. Nelson Quorum of the 12 Apostles
It is amazing to me the peace and clarity that comes from the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Fear is crippling. Fear of Failure.. Fear of a challenges, fear of disappointment. Fear keeps you still. It keeps you stunted.... it distorts your vision and concept of reality. It blinds you to truth. The truth is that the Lord knows we are not perfect... and we will never be perfect in this life. He has planned for that... his expectation has never been perfection.... It's always been improvement. Daily improvement and repentance while applying generous amounts of the atonement to our lives. We just have to keep moving forward in faith.
"Whatever our Calling, regardless of our fears or anxieties let us pray and then go and do." -President Thomas S. Monson
Go and do. Go, and be better than you were a minute ago. allow the Lord to love you through your imperfections. Watch his perfect example of forgiveness and strive to be more like him. Be kind to yourself. we get so down on ourselves, we tear ourselves apart. If God believes you have value, that you are strong and able, that you can do this... who are you to say otherwise. who am I to doubt. I Loved the new adaptation of Cinderella. "Have courage and be kind." I think about it almost daily, and it really sums up my thoughts for this post.
"Courage isn't always Grandiose. sometimes courage is that little voice and the end of the day that says, I'll try again tomorrow"
-President Thomas S. Monson
Have the courage to get up and keep going... And the wisdom to be patient and kind to yourself as you try continuously to be better. Maybe all you managed to do today was get out of bed and go to work, but that is far and away better than staying in bed and hiding under the covers. "life is meant to be enjoyed not just endured. (President Gordon. B. Hinckley.) Enjoy the little things. Keep your chin up. You are doing better than you think and the Lord can see that. Maybe today I failed... but you can't have a success without first having failed. People rarely get it right on the first try.
One of my favorite poems by William Ernest Henley. He wrote this after having had one leg amputated and fighting to save his other.
Invictus
William Ernest Henley
"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as th epit from pole to pole
I thank Whatever Gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
how charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
No matter the situation hold your head high. Plant your feet firmly and push through with all of your strength. You are the master of your fate. You are the captain of your soul. Know that you are not alone. If you feel like you're to far gone ponder this:
"No matter how far away you've gone I testify that you have not
traveled beyond the reach of Divine Love. It is not possible for you
to sink lower than the infinite Light of Christ's Atonement shines"
-Jeffrey R. Holland
You only fail if you stop getting up and trying again. I have so far to go with my life. So many things I haven't figured out. But it helps to remember... Not Fear, but courage.... Not self depreciation, but kindness, Not perfection, but Improvement. Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way, but just in case, I hope this helps you.
